Wednesday, September 19, 2012

What's Going On?

I've been going through a lot for the last little while. I've had some physical health problems (there have been some nasty bugs going around), but I've also been having some mental health issues, as well.

Last weekend (and that seems like an eternity to me now) I was close to taking my own life. I wasn't going to do it because I wanted the attention, or to cause pain to anyone, but for the simple reason that I wanted the pain that I've been suffering with to end. To disappear. For it to finally be over.

Obviously, I didn't do anything. I fought very hard against it, and I'm still here. Since then I've seen a doctor about things. I've started a course of medication, which will likely run for two to three years (at least), and I meet up again with my doctor on Friday to discuss therapists and the like.

It's not going to be an easy road, but hopefully it'll get me to a better place. A place where I can begin to enjoy life again, rather than just endure it by breaking it down into little slivers that I have to make it through every day.

Depression isn't a new thing for me. I've been dealing with it my entire adult life. Some times I deal with it better than others. Some times I do a good job of hiding it from the rest of the world, and indeed myself. But it's always there. It'll probably always be there, but I hope to get on top of it, or at least learn to deal with it in a better way.

I was hesitant to mention it here, because this is supposed to be a blog about writing, my novels, stories, and the like, but I find more and more that I'm sharing about my life, and I wanted to keep everyone that reads this in the loop.

I don't want people to take pity on me, and rush out and buy my stuff because it might cheer me up, or make me feel better. I want people to understand what I'm going through. If people want to buy my stuff, I want them to do it because they want to, because they enjoy it, or because they want to read it.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about stuff at the moment. Thanks for reading (if you made it this far!).


  1. Made it that far :)

    For what it's worth, you're not alone. I suffer from depression too, and although these days it is under control and not as bad as it was, there were times when I was younger when I too had suicidal thoughts. I think you're taking the right steps, seeing the doctor and therapists. That will hopefully help. In the meantime, keep strong, and know that you are not alone.

  2. Thanks, Simon.

    It was a big step for me to get help, and to talk about things, but I'm glad I did (even if the meds are making me feel weird at the moment).

    Onwards and upwards from here, I hope. Or as one of my friends has said numerous times "waking up in the morning is better than the alternative".

  3. Jeez man...

    But you're not alone. These past several weeks I've felt in much the same condition - really the only thing holding me up has been my friends (online and RL), and my work.

    I'm still feeling worthless inside, especially with how the whole situation panned out, so I think once all the financial issues are settled, I will look at getting professional help. This feeling isn't anything new, but it is something I need to deal with properly.

    You take care man - and you have my # :P

    1. Cheers, Vince.

      These things take time, and if statistical data is anything to go by, we're only about half-way through the time we have on this orb we call a planet, so if we can make the other half a better half, I think we should.